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改善英文行動 59. 希望大家盡力幫忙

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希望大家盡力指出我錯處狠心批改,不必留情.並且希望說明錯的原因感謝A happy day.Today my friends and I went to Ani-com Hong Kong. There were a lot of people so we needed to line up for entering the centre. After 30 minutes, we finally went inside.However, it also was very crowded inside. We decided to buy comics first but it was... 顯示更多 希望大家盡力指出我錯處 狠心批改,不必留情. 並且希望說明錯的原因 感謝 A happy day. Today my friends and I went to Ani-com Hong Kong. There were a lot of people so we needed to line up for entering the centre. After 30 minutes, we finally went inside. However, it also was very crowded inside. We decided to buy comics first but it was difficult to move a step because of many people. After several hours, we have saw many comics and played many games. Suddenly, my friends told me they were tired so they needed some rest. Then we went to the side of the centre for sitting on the floor to rest. And I just stood up as the floor was dirty I thought. After that, we went to play games once more. In the end, we went to a restaurant for having dinner. It was a happy day for me.

最佳解答:

A happy day Today my friends and I went to Ani-comic Hong Kong. There were a lot of people lining up outside the exhibition centre. It took us more than 30 minutes to wait in the queue to get in. How crowded it was!! However, it was also very crowded inside. Although we decided to buy our favourite comics first, we found it difficult to move a step. There was a wide range of comics [1] on display and some [2] animation games [3] for free trial. We stayed there happily for several hours. Suddenly, my friends told me they were very tired so they [4] stood aside and took a rest by sitting on the floor. I found the floor very dirty so I [5] preferred standing to sitting as they did. After that, we played the games once more. In the end, we went to a restaurant for having dinner. It was a happy day for me. [1] on display 展出 [2] animation games 動畫遊戲 [3] games for free trial 免費試(玩) 的遊戲 [4] stood aside and took a rest 企在旁邊休息 [5] preferred -ing to -ing (pattern) 喜歡 (一件事)多於(另一件事) 圖片參考:http://tw.yimg.com/i/tw/ugc/rte/smiley_1.gif

其他解答:

A Happy Day (Title first letter 要 Capitalize) Today, my friends and I went to Ani-com Hong Kong. There were a lot of people, therefore we needed to line up for entering the centre. We've waited for half an hour, and we finally got in. However, it was really crowded inside. We decided to purchase comics first, but it was pretty difficult to stroll around due to the crowd. Several hours later, we found abundant comics and we had played various games. After examining comics and playing games, my friends wanted to get some rest since they were exhausted. Then, we decided to go to the side of the centre and we sat on the floor for resting. Nevertheless, the floor was dirty, so I stood up and went to play games again. At night, we went to a restaurant for dinner. After having a supper, we went home, and it was an enjoyable day for me. 冇詳大問題 寫得晤夠連,晤夠specific 多d用punctuation及 transition words like moreover, so, and, nevertheless,however, etc. 用多d synonyms (同義孛及多d生字 detail 多d Use more adjectives =D|||||We decided to buy comics first, but it was very hard to move because it was just as crowded as outside. <- 把兩句子合二為一, 唔洗咁囉疏, 鍾有 "because of many people" 唔太暢順. 改 "We have saw" 做 "We saw" 或 "we have seen". 因為文法唔正確. "Then we went to the side of the centre to sit down on floor and rest while I stood up because I thought the floor was dirty." <- 咁樣好D同暢順D. "In the evening, we went to a restaurant to have dinner together." <- 我lum咁樣會好D.

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